When I was growing up I used to love to sit and listen to the grown-ups talk. Today I could not tell you what they talked about, but I come from a long line of talkers. If anyone ever came over to visit, or if we went anywhere to visit, there were some serious conversations going on. If we had a party I was in the midst of the conversation. I didn’t really contribute to the conversation, nobody wants to listen to a kid, but I soaked it all up. My sister, on the other hand, was in the kitchen. She would serve those who came to our house and she would clean up during and afterwards. When it came time to clean up, I was nowhere to be found. I can remember, when we were teenagers, my sister complaining to my mother that I never would help. I also can remember my mother hollering at me to go help my sister. That was the point I would disappear.
I was not much help growing up. I wanted to do what I wanted to do. I’m not much different now. I’m better about being hospitable, but nowhere as good as my sister. I distinctly remember, when Katie was a baby, inviting Fr. Tony Stevens to our house for dinner. Jimmy was still milking. I told Fr. Tony that he had a choice. He could stay in the house and watch the baby or he could go outside and grill the steaks. He chose going outside. That’s me. If you come to my house I will probably have a job for you to do. Not my sister. If you walk in her door she will greet you with a request. “What would you like to drink? There are appetizers on the side bar in the dining room. What can I do for you?”
And so I think about Martha and Mary. Martha was Kim. I was Mary. I wanted to be around the adults. Kim wanted to make sure your every want was realized. And if I didn’t help her Kim would tell Mom, as Martha would tell Jesus. She always was a tattletale.
Mom would do what Kim asked. She would tell me to help Kim. But I don’t think she meant it. I don’t think it bothered her that I was in the room with the adults. She never told me to stay out. It didn’t bother Jesus that Mary was with him. He didn’t tell her to go help Martha. In fact, he was pretty hard on Martha. He told her that Mary needed to be where she was. Maybe he was telling Martha that she needed to be where Mary was, and forget about the spinach dip and the sweet tea. In many ways Jesus left those who followed him to fend for themselves. That’s something I love to do. When the kids bring people to our house I consider them guests the first time they are there. From that point on I tell them they are family and they need to fend for themselves. I’ll help by telling them where things are kept but they need to fend for themselves.
Jesus had a different take. He talked about Martha’s being anxious and worried. When Fr. Darrell brought that up I got to thinking about that. There’s a lot of times that we whine and complain and it’s all because we are overtired, or over anxious or over-worried. The older I get the more I realize that I need to give myself a break. I need to not be so hard on myself. Maybe if I take some time at Jesus’ feet I can realize that all of those things just don’t matter, not one minute. What does matter is to be true to yourself, and your faith.
Sometimes when I get tired and upset, the best thing for me to do is cry. Jimmy doesn’t always understand that, but it’s the truth. So, sometimes I have to find myself a place to just sit down and cry. I was watching a movie the other day called Daddy and Them. I had never even heard of it. It’s a dark comedy starring Billy Bob Thornton and Laura Dern. At one point the mother was crying and Billy Bob Thornton asks her what she’s crying about. The mother says “well sometimes things get all jumbled up in my head and I have to cry it out” (or something like that). I feel like that a lot. This week I had my grandson with me. On Wednesday his mother came to town with the other two grandchildren. By the time they left, two days later, I was ready to cry. Then I realized that I was overtired and stressed and I needed to just get back in my routine. Man, I sound like a newborn. But I have often felt that “crying it out of my system” is the best thing that could be done.
So, maybe there were times that Martha needed to just sit down and cry. Maybe there were days that Kim needed to do that too. I know that I need it. But I also need Jesus in my life and if I have to leave dirty dishes in the sink (and on the counter and on the table), I’m going to do it. You’re welcome to come over. I’ll probably load the dishwasher while your are sitting there. Or, I might have you help. I’m pretty good that way. As much as Martha felt the need to serve everyone who walked into her house, Jesus had the need to serve those listening to him. And he just let Martha know that was much more important than getting the right kind of Wheat Thins.
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