The Trinity

I’ve been gone all week working, which means that I didn’t get to do the work I really wanted to do. I didn’t get my prayers said, any. I didn’t write at all. I did work and I did watch stupid TV and I did play stupid games. I did listen to some podcasts so there’s that.

But I missed writing and I missed praying. I have it in my mind that when I go into the hotel I have to take everything I own. And, I am a bag lady. I don’t have enough arms to carry all of my bags. But I can pray and/or write anywhere. I need to just have access to my stuff. And I need to make myself do it.

Anyway, we are all experiencing undue stress. People are snapping at each other for no reason. People are anxious, depressed, sad, you name it. And why wouldn’t we be? We’ve dealt with this pandemic for a year. I have found out that three people I really like now have this awful virus. My brother-in-law has been on a respirator for almost 2 months because of this virus. My aunt broke her hip and was refused at the rehab center because she has a tendency to be feisty. My brother was admitted to the hospital with chest pains. We, as a country have dealt with dividing politics for the last decade. It came to a head this week in Washington. But it has trickled down to middle/rural America. I thought having a divided household had more to do with Kentucky vs Louisville basketball teams.

I’ve been struggling with a bum knee so I decided I just need to walk. I love to hike and we have a beautiful farm that I can walk anytime. I decided that Blu and I would walk the fence. We headed out. I took my walking stick with me.

Blu and I went into the side field. It’s not really too big so it’s a good place to do a little walking. Blu quickly left me. I had never walked the fence line in that field. There’s some really cool pieces where the old fence is. Jimmy has lined the old fence with new fencing. There’s a grove of trees in one of the back fields that they used to cut down for fence posts. They’re too big to be used for fence posts now but you can see evidence of fence posts from years gone by along the fence row. I also found 3 old tractor seats, a piece of an old disc, a row of fencing, a soccer ball, a wheel to a wheelbarrow, a wheelbarrow without the wheel and broken handles, some really cool downed trees, a lot of cow hoof prints and a whole lot of cow poop.

As I was walking I decided to talk with God. I told him that I was sorry I didn’t spend a lot of time in prayer this week. I told him that there was so much going on right now that maybe it was getting to be too much. I walked by the Mexican trailer and realized how much I missed having the guys around this year. I might have been doing some crying. I for sure was doing some hollering.

Jimmy keeps three calves in that side field. There are two Jerseys and a white-faced calf. We call her 7. I thought she had markings on her face that resembled the number 7 but it’s her tag number. The Jerseys belong to Katie. They are registered and the beginning of her show herd. Normally I don’t pay any attention to them. Most of the time they don’t pay any attention to me.

When I started walking down the hill I was in a full blown conversation with God and was pretty much ready to give up. I don’t know what giving up looks like. Sometimes I think it looks like lying down in the middle of the field kicking and screaming until I have no energy left. Other times I think it’s going to bed for days and not looking to interact with anyone. Sometimes I wish that I didn’t have so much passion and things didn’t affect me like they do. Anyway . . .

Right about that time I turned around looking for Blu and all three of those calves were running toward me. What the . . . I turned around and started telling them to get gone because I was carrying on a conversation with God and there was no room in that conversation for them. Blu was sitting in the cow lot at the top of the hill just observing. He would have run those cows off if he would just come down the hill with me like he was supposed to. I hollered for him but he just sat there. So, I turned around and kept walking. The calves walked with me. Really? Really? I wasn’t anywhere near the barn. I did not have a bucket of feed. I was not going to feed them. What in the world were they doing there? I tried to let them sniff me, I tried to pet them, nope. They were just there.

And then it hit me and I started laughing out loud. I couldn’t believe it. There were three calves: Karma was right up in my business; Seven was right with Karma but she held back a little; Defiant (Katie’s favorite) held back but if there was going to be anything going on she was going to be a part of it. But you could tell that this was not her idea. I came to realize it, you all. God sent them to me. God was distracting me. He did not want me to wallow in my self-pity. He was telling me that he was here for me, right up in my business. I could not tell you which calf was who. It didn’t matter. They were the Trinity and they were there to ease my heart, my soul, and my mind. I got the biggest smile on my face and could feel the tension leaving my body. As I rounded the barn to head back to the house I got to thinking how blessed I am to have the life that I do, bum knee and all. The calves left me at the cow lot. Maybe that’s where they decided to go back to being cows. Blu walked with me from that point but on the other side of the fence. He knew that I needed my space.

When I got in the house I asked Jimmy if the cows always did that when he went out in the field. He said “No, not at all. Why do you ask?” I told him it was nothing.