Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds

You stole my heart the minute I knew you were there.
It didn’t seem real
But you were what I always wanted for him

It’s by far the hardest thing I’ve ever done …
I’ve had some hard times in my life. My dad died when I was 19. My mom died when I was 26. I divorced at 30 and had a tough time being a single mother. But then things turned themselves around and started to get good. I remarried, had 2 more children. I’ve seen my oldest two marry after they both finished college. They’ve got good things going in their lives. My other two have finished school and are looking to make an impact in the world. Seven years ago I became a Grandmama. The next year I got the glorious news that my son and my daughter both were going to make me a Grandmama again. What could be better in life?

But right after I returned from spending a couple of days at the Kentucky State Fair I got a call I really didn’t want. My son told me that he and his wife had been to the doctor that day and that they did not have a heartbeat on the baby. Me being the type of person I am, took it all in stride. I knew things like this happened. I knew that a lot of times a first baby doesn’t make it to term. I knew that they would be able to try again and it wasn’t the end of the world.

But I also knew that my daughter-in-law was 28 weeks pregnant. I knew that babies are born all the time at 28 weeks and they survive. I knew that baby was my granddaughter and that she hadn’t been given the opportunity to fight. I knew those things too.

What I found out later that day was that my daughter-in-law was also in danger. You see, they figured that it was the placenta that was the problem. It was the placenta that had starved my granddaughter and suffocated her. It’s the placenta that does all of that work. And it was the placenta that was now robbing B of her blood platelets. And all that stress on her system was pushing her blood pressure up. If they didn’t get the placenta out of her she would die. I knew that I could get over the death of one of my girls, but not both of them.

So I flew. Not really. I didn’t speed. I didn’t get in an airplane. But I did head straight back to Louisville and went to the hospital where I had delivered my son 38 years ago this month. But before I went I got in touch with my prayer warriors and they went to work. By the time I got to the hospital they had mostly gotten B stabilized. They were both very tired. I was tired. I went to my bff’s house and went to sleep.

The next morning I fed my boy and found out that everything had stabilized. They were giving B strong medicine to get her ready to deliver, but there had not been any progress so far. We were successful in getting their priest over to anoint B, just in case. During the anointing B was very uncomfortable and got some pain meds. I walked out with Fr. Steven and told him we would want him back to baptize the baby when she was born. He should have hung around, it wasn’t very long and my most precious granddaughter was born.

I went out to make a few calls and found out that my sister had gotten to the hospital. I went to find her and went by B’s room. The other mother, B’s mother, was outside of the room crying. I went to her and asked her what was wrong. She said that B had delivered. I was in shock. I was in pain. I knew that B and J were in so much pain and that was the point I couldn’t take. I couldn’t be strong. That was the point I wanted to curse God and beg Him for His mercy all in one fell swoop. How could those two precious babies, our babies, two people who loved each other so very much, be in so much pain? How could we, as their mothers, allow such a thing? I wanted to go to my knees. I have never in my life wanted to go to my knees more.

J & B played it smart. They took the baby to the nursery. They wanted to clean her up and dress her in an outfit that B had brought for her. They decided while she was gone to take a nap. I’m so glad that they did because they were so exhausted.

Later Fr. Steven came back and baptized Lucy Nicole. It was more of a memorial service than a baptism but I will tell you that it was standing room only. As I looked around that room I realized that Lucy was so loved. J and B were so loved. Their loss was our loss. When we buried her later that week we truly had a celebration of her very short life.

I am happy to report that I have six grandchildren now. Three boys and three girls. Lucy has a younger brother and sister. Even though she is not physically here I feel her every day. She would be 6 years old today. There hasn’t been a day go by that I have not loved her more than she would ever know.