For the longest time I have felt the need to follow Christ, literally. I haven’t gotten there yet but I’ve been working that way for awhile. The Gospel of Luke will really put you in your place.
I can imagine being in the crowd following Jesus everywhere he went. I can also imagine fantasizing about being one of his friends. I can be a groupie in some situations. I can also imagine being up in the front of all of his followers, waiting for my opportunity. When he turns around I’m ready. But I’m not ready for what he says.
Gospel: Luke 14:25-33 Great crowds were travling with Jesus, and he turned and addressed them, "If anyone comes to me without hating his father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple. Whoever does not carry his own cross and come after me cannot be my disciple. Which of you wishing to construct a tower does not first sit down and calculate the cost to see if there is enough for its completion? Otherwise, after laying the foundation and finding himself unable to finish the work the onlookers should laugh at him and say "This one began to build but did not have the resources to finish". Or what king marching into battle would not first sit down and decide whether with ten thousand troops he can successfully oppose another king advancing upon him with twenty thousand troops? But if not, while he is still far away, he will send a delegation to ask for peace terms. In the same way, anyone of you who does not renounce all his possessions cannot be my disciple."
I’m not going to flat out say that I can’d do this. But I don’t think I can do this. I love my parents. Even though they have been dead for years and years I still love them with all my heart. I cannot hate my husband and children. They are my heart. How can Jesus ask that of me?
Wait a minute, I can’t hate at all. All my life I have been taught not to hate. For the most part that has stuck in my psyche. But here Jesus is telling me to hate.
And give up all my possessions? I could do this easier than giving up the people I love. But I need my stuff. Anyone who has traveled with me can laugh out loud at all of the stuff I take with me. You also know I don’t spend a lot on what I buy but I buy a lot of stuff. A lot more stuff than I need. I’m happier with a $5 notebook than I am with a designer bag.
I’ll give my stuff away too. If you want if you can have it. I just don’t think I can give it away all at once.
Jesus doesn’t need a lot of disciples. He needs followers. Maybe that’s what I need to be. Maybe that’s my calling. But I think my calling is also to share him with those who want to know about him.
I do enjoy scripture. It doesn’t matter how often you read it you get something different out of it, something that hits you funny each time. That’s the adventure of the Bible. And I really enjoy Jesus’ frame of mind, his attitude. But when something hits home like this, I have to take a step back and consider what the scripture is telling me that time and how I’m going to react to it.
So, the questions is, am I going to force myself to be a disciple, a role I really cannot bring myself to take? Or am I going to be satisfied with being a true and loyal follower, a job I was born to take? That is all I’ve been expected to undertake.