Listening to the Gospel reading at Mass this week I made up my mind that I was going to be such a good Catholic, and this week, the week of Ash Wednesday and the week that Lent begins, I was going to live the Gospel. I was going to quit worrying. I was not going to worry about what I ate or what I wore or what I was going to drink. I was going to leave everything in God’s hands and I was going to do the work that the Lord sent my way.
Of course, during Fr. Darrell’s sermon he made me feel better about worrying. He said that it was true that worrying wasn’t going to add a single moment to my life-span but he also said that because I was human I was going to worry. Basically, he told me not to worry about worrying. And he told us all that he would worry whether anyone got his message. I’m sure I didn’t get it all, or get it all right, but I got that part of the message because he let me off the hook. He told me that I didn’t have to live the Gospel specifically this week. He might have mentioned that I should be looking for ways to live the Gospel all of the time.
But I took my little worship aid home and read the readings for the day again. And today I went back to the Gospel and decided I was really going to try to live this particular Gospel this week. And it won’t be easy, because . . .
My kids came in for my birthday this weekend. They left Sunday afternoon to return to their lives. We had such a good time. I was sad to see them go and might have shed a tear or two. But one thing I cannot get past doing is worrying about them and their drive home. I’m not much of a helicopter mom but I worry until I hear that they have made it home. I don’t ask them to call me. But I usually get an inkling that they are safe through social media or a random call home. And if it gets late and I haven’t gotten a phone call saying that something is wrong I know that they made it back all right.
Mardi Gras was this week also. I should have made a King Cake. I didn’t have a party to go to or anything. But I should have found a party and made a King Cake. Why would I worry about something like that? But I do.
Ash Wednesday starts today. I’ve got to figure out what I’m going to do. I’ve got to figure out about almsgiving and prayer and sacrifice and adding something extra this year. I was going to give up cokes. That would be a hardship on me. Of course, Jesus didn’t have anything to drink for 40 days. I’m sure that might have been more of a hardship on him. I need a true sacrifice. I’ve got the rest of the day to figure it out. No pressure there.
Today is also March 1st. In the farming world that means that taxes are due. Usually I look forward to filing my taxes and getting a refund. This year I have to pay. I’ve known I have to pay for awhile. I have the money available to pay. But it’s just the idea of having to write that check. It worries me anyway.
I haven’t done any laundry. But this week it shouldn’t matter what I wear or what I look like. That shouldn’t be my problem this week. But I do need something to wear. And some of my clothes feel tight on me again. I need to watch what I eat.
Speaking of that, this week I shouldn’t worry about what I eat or drink. This week I should only eat when I’m hungry and I should only eat for nutrition. Ooooh, that’s an idea. Can you imagine only eating the things that your body craves and the things that are good for you? That’s pretty cool. Maybe that could be a part of my Lenten obligation. Maybe that would be adding something. I started pretty good this morning. I had some oatmeal. For lunch I had some yogurt. But then, I was still hungry so I went and got a sandwich. The thing about food, is if I think about it, I get really hungry. So, if I could, it would be great to not think about food in any way, but if I do then what’s the nutritional value of the food? What truly do I need to eat to sustain my body in the best way. And, while I’m doing that then I probably need to treat myself a little bit of exercise too. Oh, and water is a lot better for me than soft drinks and tea. Just sayin’.
We had this really bad storm last night. Actually, it didn’t hit until this morning. And the power is out. And the power is still out. So all day long I’ve worried about the power being out. If I’m so worried about it why in the world don’t I just go and get a hotel room so I can take a shower and watch TV. Nah, I think I’ll survive. It’ll give me something to fuss about. Except I didn’t want to fuss anymore during Lent.
This is a busy week. There’s a lot going on. One thing I have exercised through the years is when I get overwhelmed to just take care of what is in front of me. I mean, right now, I’m waiting on UPS and they are late. That means that I’m late in running errands and getting all my stuff done. That’ll put me late in getting home. So I decided to fine-tune this blog post and see if I could get it posted. So, right now, I don’t care one minute if UPS is late or not. Now, if they don’t show up by the time I have to leave that’s another story. That means I’ll be waiting on them all day tomorrow too. Well, I’ll probably be stinking tomorrow. Ha!
Maybe it would be better in living the Gospel if I don’t give myself “outs” in the things that I do. How many times do I tell myself that I’m going to work on _______________ and then talk myself out of it. Well, I didn’t do that with this blog post so maybe I’m getting somewhere.
One of the main reasons I don’t like worrying about tomorrow is because it never comes. Sure, Tuesday shows up and what I was worried about on Monday that was going to happen on Tuesday has come and gone. Now I’m worried about Wednesday. Will I get everything in? Well, I either will or I won’t. My life won’t end if I don’t get something done. My life won’t expand if I do get it done. The only thing that I’ll notice is how stressed I am, how high my blood pressure is and how hard I grit my teeth. But if I remind myself to give it all to God because He has it anyway then that scowl will disappear from my face, my blood pressure will be back down to normal but I’ll probably still grit my teeth. That’s a habit I recently discovered that I’m trying to make myself aware of so I can quit doing it. I don’t like the way it makes me feel. But I’ll worry about that later.