My mother took this picture. She was not a photographer. But this is Daddy when I graduated from the 8th grade.
Today is my daddy’s 82nd birthday, the 82nd time the earth has gone around. It’s been 41 years this year that Daddy left this earth. He was 41.
When I was growing up I was always excited about Daddy’s birthday. I don’t know why, other than Mom usually had people over and she always baked a sheet cake with one corner burnt because the sheet cake pan was dented in that corner. I think it was because it was summer, right after Father’s Day, and we truly could celebrate Dad.
Mom made over birthdays. Bad. She always made a big deal because her birthday fell on Christmas and she felt like she lost out because of that. So, she made sure that everyone had wonderful birthdays. That usually involved the cake, presents, and if Grandma was around, a really good meal.
Daddy at a birthday cook-out. Mom took this picture too.
Since it’s been so long, and I don’t remember Daddy like I would like, I decided today to give him a gift. I decided to compare those in my life whom I love dearly with my Daddy, and what traits they have that I loved in him.
I’ll start with my brother and sister. We don’t always get along, we never did, but they are as close to my daddy as I can get on this earth. And I truly love it when we get together, just the three of us, and talk about Mom and Daddy. They remember different stories than I do. I remember a time, a few years ago, that we got together one morning for breakfast, and talked and laughed and wanted to cry for hours. They have some of his characteristics. But the best thing about them is that they remember the songs that Daddy taught us to sing. I love it when we have a chance to sing together. We might not remember all the words but most of them we do to songs like “Sing Me Back Home”, “Mama’s Hungry Eyes”, and on and on. I was the one who always remembered the words and I still correct them if they get it wrong.
My children. Okay, my sons. Oh, my sons remind me of my daddy. My oldest, Jay, could pass for his son. Of course, I have my daddy’s coloring, and Jay has mine so it’s not surprising that Jay looks so much like Daddy. But he acts like Daddy. Not in all ways. Jay is just coming into his own as far as fixing things. Daddy could fix anything. But Jay has got my daddy’s sense of humor. He has, what my mama called, a dry wit. He’s not like me in that regard. Jay will say something and then wait for you to get the joke. And he has this little sly smile, just like my daddy. He also has Daddy’s work ethic. Jay doesn’t stop. Even when he’s not working, he’s working. Daddy worked two jobs for a lot of years. He did that until his main job started requiring him to work a lot of overtime. But I’m sure that he worked way over 40 hours all of his life. That’s just what you did.
Now my son, John, looks much more like his daddy than mine. But the one thing he has, that I have, that Jay has, is Daddy’s eyes. They are so brown they are almost black. Mama used to call me her “little black-eyed pea”. People used to marvel at my eyes. I didn’t get it. I didn’t get it until I looked into Jay’s eyes. Oh my goodness. They are gorgeous. And John has my eyes, but his daddy’s eyelashes. He can bat those eyes and make women melt, or he will one day, when he figures out what he has. Ha! John is developing a little bit of Daddy’s dry wit too. He has that sly little smile, not as perfect as Jay, but he has it. But the thing that John has that no one else in my family has is the capability to fix things. I know exactly where he got it. Daddy! I have a tendency to be able to fix things. But John didn’t get it from me. I inherited some of my daddy’s laziness. I’m sure all of my kids have a little of that. But John doesn’t have to taught. He figures things out. Yeah, I think he got that from Daddy.
They say that one of the greatest compliments a girl can give her daddy is to marry someone just like him. Well, I didn’t do exactly that. Jimmy can’t fix anything. But he has a tremendous work ethic and he can make me laugh. Daddy would always have me in stitches. I would get in so much trouble in church if I sat next to Daddy. He loved to make fun of people and he would have all of us in so much trouble by the time church was over. But some of the most fun I can remember having is sitting on the couch with Daddy and watching Carol Burnett or something like that, and laughing so hard sometimes it hurt. I can do that with Jimmy.
I often wondered what my parents would think about my children, and about the life that I have lived. Part of me tries to avoid those thoughts because, let’s face it, none of us is perfect. I do think that my life would have been completely different if my Daddy had lived. Maybe God knew that. But I know that my parents would have been immensely proud of my children, so I should get a free pass. The thing I have always tried to do is to raise my children the way that I was raised. Moving to the country brought us into a small community, just like the small community (well, suburb of a large city) that I was raised in. They were raised with a lot of the same rules I was raised with: you couldn’t date until you were 16. You couldn’t kiss anybody until you were 21 and you couldn’t marry until you were 30. Those last two were not real but sometimes felt that Daddy would have liked it if we followed rule 2 and 3. We had to work. We had to do chores. We didn’t get an allowance but I don’t remember ever wanting something bad without Mom or Dad making it happen. We had to finish high school. I’ve added a couple through the years but the rules they instilled in me helped me to raise my children into the people that they have become.
I truly believe that the best thing we can do for this world is to raise the next generation with the roots that our ancestors have planted for us but with the ambition and imagination to spread out to make our world better. I know that my parents did that. I pray that I have been a parent who has done that. And I also pray that I have raised the generation who will teach it to their children. I think that I have. I also know that I wouldn’t have been able to do anything like that without being raised for those short years by my Daddy.
Happy Birthday Daddy! And many, many more! I love you.
Chuck