Roseanne

Sometimes I can’t decide if I should be complimented or insulted. When my son went away to college, he didn’t seem to be too homesick. He was rooming with a childhood friend and I thought that was making his transition easier. But around Thanksgiving time I found out why I hadn’t heard from either of them through most of the semester. It seems that when they got homesick they would just watch Roseanne and by the time the show was over they had no need to give me a call. They thought this was so matter of fact, like everyone knew that I reminded them of Roseanne.

I had always watched Roseanne. I always enjoyed it. Sometimes I agreed with everything that came out of her mouth and then there were times that she turned weird. I loved who she was. I mean, Roseanne Barr was a midwestern mother who tried her hand at standup and then one day she had her own sitcom. Who wouldn’t love her? What I loved most about her though was that she threw me back to the women who had a hand in raising me. They always said what was on their mind when it was on their mind. I’m sure that Roseanne did just that in her standup and then on the sitcom.

Let me introduce you to the women. My mother and aunt were the normal ones. But their mother and aunts were strong German women who didn’t take anything off of anybody. My grandmother was the youngest of 6. Her oldest sister, Florence made bathtub gin during prohibition while she raised like 7 kids. Cecelia was a kept woman most of her life. Bonnie married her second husband because she was sure that he was going to die in World War II. She wanted the widow’s pension. Buck (the only boy) was a millionaire 2 or 3 times over. He was a bookie and he would win and lose money like he had it. Mac, or Margaret, played vaudeville in Louisville back when that was a pretty big thing. She was on stage with the likes of Victor Mature. And then there was Helen, my grandmother. She raised identical twin daughters all by herself because her husband was arrested for bigamy when the twins were 18 months old. Come to find out, he had another family out there that he had abandoned. Every one of these women were strong-willed and opinionated. I am proud to say that I learned from the best.

There have been times over the last 20 years that I’ll be talking about something and bring up an episode of Roseanne. I think one of my favorite ones was when she decided she wanted to be a writer and Dan and the kids turn the basement into an office for her. She had her notepads lined up and her pencils all sharpened and ready but when she gets down there she can’t write. It’s later in the episode that she is putting DJ to bed and telling him a story. She realizes then that these are the stories that she needs to write so she writes in DJ’s bedroom while he is sleeping. That has given me so much motivation.

The thing I always liked about Roseanne was that so many of the things that went on throughout the show were things that could have happened at my house. I will admit, I’m pretty loud. One of my favorite things to do is to yell for one of my kids. It’s better if you get to yell out the front door because they’re outside somewhere. I can still hear my mother doing that. Oh, and if the kid is in trouble then all of their names came out: “Jamison Dale Pierce Gravatte, get in here!” So many of the scenes happened at the kitchen table. I’m a firm believer that some of the most important discussions in life happen around the kitchen table. Kids always think they know so much more than their parents. And the parents sometimes let them think that, but in the long run they have to let the kids know that they don’t know squat. And it doesn’t matter who you are or what you do your job is always to embarrass your kids. That’s your job in life. That is my joy in life. Right, Jay?

So tonight Jimmy and I sat down to watch the reboot of Roseanne. I laughed out loud. Real loud. I wish I knew how to record the shows. I would watch that one over and over. I need to memorize the dialogue. Some of those lines were too good to pass up.

And when did Becky get to be 43?