I don’t want to get preachy here. Honestly, I’m only trying to delve into how I think about something, so please bear with me.
My mother used to always say “Offer it up to Jesus” when she would drop us off at school in the morning. And I would try. But by the time I got to my classroom or into my first class, I was usually so caught up in hanging with my friends and stuff that I never thought back to Mama telling me to “offer it up”. The next day when she would say it again I would feel so guilty about not offering it up the day before that I didn’t even think about offering it up that day. It was a vicious cycle. Also, Catholic guilt.
As I got older I would hear a lot about “taking up my cross”. I just assumed my cross was the life I was living. I assumed that my day to day struggles were the cross that I was to bear. I mean, I wasn’t a missionary somewhere, living in poverty, trying to make a difference. Those people really had a cross. I was a middle-class young person just trying to make a living and figure it all out. But, I did believe that we all had a place in this grand scheme of life. Mine was to just try to figure it out, or so I thought.
So, we can fast-forward 40 years. There’s been a lot of life happen in my life. So many struggles, so much pain, but good things have happened too. Honestly, I am blessed. I have a wonderful husband and 4 wonderful children who have been raised to be an asset to society. There are still struggles. There is still pain, but all in all I would be able to look back on my life and say that in the long run, it was a good run. Things could be better but as it is I could say that things are, and have been, good.
One day Fr. Darrell mentioned that we all have a cross to bear. Yes, I’ve heard that before. We all always have a cross to bear. But then he said “it’s what you would die for, as Jesus died for us”. Oh, that’s new. That’s a game changer. But you know, he is right. Jesus died for us, even on the cross. What would we die for? Oh, that’s a different thing to think of. But it was so easy, it was a no brainer. If you look at it that way you can see why Jesus went through with the agony and pain he went through for us. I could see doing that. So, what would I die for?
My family. Plain and simple. Yes, I would die for my family. When I look at those that I love more than myself I can say emphatically that I would die in place of my family.
Everyone of my children. Every. One. When I look at my oldest son, and the life he is building for himself, yes, I would die for him. He gave me the greatest gift I will ever have. He made me a mother. But even though there have been days that he frustrates me to death I cannot imagine him not being able to build the life he has. I would die for him. But I would die for his wife too. When I see the love that she has for my son, I could just cry. All my life I prayed for a woman to love him as much as I loved him. And you know what, I think she loves him more. Yes, I would die for her. And then their children. I wish I could have died instead of baby Lucy. I wish. But I also know that God wanted that baby in heaven and I cannot wait to see her and be able to hold her and love on her. I will just have to swoop her out of somebody’s arms and hold her for all of eternity. I cannot wait. But this most precious baby boy that we will be able to see in such a few weeks. That little boy doesn’t know how much he’s loved. Someone put up on Facebook “There are no words to describe the pleasure found in holding your baby’s baby.” I cannot wait for the day that I get to hold my son’s son. But I know without even meeting that child that I would die for him.
My oldest daughter, and her family, I would so step in to die for them. They are building a life that mimics what generations before them have searched out. Their family picture, on their farm, looks like a picture that their own ancestors would take. What is it about having your picture taken with cows? I even get riled up about their livelihood. Someone is threatening their cows. I will do what I can to keep that from happening. And they are not ones to roll over and say “oh, alright, just take our dreams away”. I will stand right beside them, and if I can take that burden from them then I will. But this daughter is so much like me, like my mom, like her mom, maybe even like her mom too. I would die in her place in a heart beat. The man she married, her spouse. I would die for him. I have seen how she loves him and I know that I would put myself in place of him dying. And of course, their children. I could see me pushing them out of the way of a car or tractor heading their way. I wouldn’t worry one minute about me.
My youngest daughter is the sweetest person God ever put on this earth. I cannot say anymore than that about her. Other than the fact that she will impact ever person she ever meets in her life. I would die for her. That’s not even a question.
And then my youngest. This boy becoming a man has such a life ahead of him. He will do great things. He won’t know it but he will. He will impact people, and industry and this world we live in. He is on the cusp of figuring out how he will do that. But he will do that. And yes, I would die for him.
I almost forgot Jimmy. I was going to start with him but decided he should be last. Because he would be first. I would first die for him. That’s what you do. You die for the one you love. I signed up for that on the day that I married him, if not before. I never thought I could love someone as much as I love him. Does he have flaws, yes, but that doesn’t matter. He’s the one I would die for.
I always like to have pictures as part of my blogs. I don’t know how necessary they are but I like to show you what I’m thinking at the same time that I’m telling you. Anyway, I found some cool pictures to put up with my blog but I couldn’t get them to load. So, then I put some pictures out of my albums, pictures that I have taken, and I couldn’t get those to load. I thought, well, I’ll try again after I go to Good Friday services. But during the service I thought, I have truly forgotten the first thing that I would die for. I felt ashamed. Because I know, in the deepest part of my heart, that I would die for my faith. I don’t want you to think that I would ever consider myself a martyr. No way. I am not worthy of that. But I can feel how martyrs would be. Of course, we don’t know how we would act in the split seconds between life and death. But I truly believe that I would choose death over denouncing my faith. But then I went a step further sitting at church last night. I thought about the people that I attend church with. As I was watching the congregation move forward to venerate the cross I came to realize that I would die for those people. I truly would. Those people, who have lived their faith for years and years, who have lived the faith of their ancestors, I would die for. But I think it would move so much further than that. I think there are so many people in other communities that I would die for. My faith, my community, my family, these are my cross. I can see how Jesus would do all of that for me. I am truly not worthy.
So, who would you die for?