I can remember when I was young I was described as being carefree. I would love to get back to that lifestyle. Nothing bothered me then. I think things didn’t bother me because I didn’t know they were going on. I was oblivious to things going on around me. Sometimes that was and is good. I missed a lot of the drama. I was able to stay trusting and not stressed out.
I came to learn though that decisions were being made around me that I could impact positively or that affected me. Always before if a decision was made that I didn’t like I had to live with it or go on to something else. Then I realized I could impact decisions. So I had to start paying attention.
What’s better? I can see advantages to being oblivious and to paying attention. I think it boils down to what you want. In the past I wanted to be in charge of every aspect of my destiny. Sometimes being in charge worked for me. But sometimes I got in over my head. I don’t want to get in over my head again. But I do want a say in the things that matter most to me. The things that are important to me are my family, my faith, my life and creativity.
Isn’t it funny that I didn’t mention a career? I talk about my lifestyle. I talk about my creativity. But I don’t talk about my career choice. That’s very interesting to me.
And it doesn’t seem to be very important to me to be in charge. That is very, very interesting.
So, what do I want? I want to have a solid family life. That’s important. My marriage is good. I have four really good kids who have been raised to value family, faith and education. I want a strong faith-life. That’s really important. I’m sure I have that. And my faith life is surrounded by my community – cool. My lifestyle. I live on a farm. I am active with my kids and in my community. I stay busy. I love life. These are the things that are important to me. My creative life. If you were to look at my house or my office, and my stuff, you would say that I was a packrat. I guess I am. But I have great ideas for all my stuff. So being a packrat might be a necessity.
So let’s get back to my need to be in charge. It just seems to me that the times that I have been the happiest, most productive, most creative has been when I have looked to someone else to be in charge. And I’m not talking about my husband or a boss or any other person. The times that I have looked to God to take care of things, He has. He always has. I just have to remind myself to let him be in charge. He knows what is best for me.
I had the same problem. I was a single mom and was proud of my independence. When I had my daughter I was proud of the fact that I didn’t have to ask my family for help and was doing it all my own. As time went on , although I considered myself a Christian , I didn’t pay tithes regularly and I mostly credited myself with where I was in life. As years went on I realized that I was in the same spot, my life lacked meaning and substance I began to feel very unfulfilled. So one day I fell on my knees and asked God to take control of my life, I told him I didn’t want to do it anymore. . What a trying but life-changing experience.. long story short I now see that there is nothing wrong with asking for help..God said that we are helpers one to another and he built us to have friendships and to help and love each other. The very people that I was so proud that I didn’t have to ask for help, ironically, were now helping me.. God said that I needed humbling..I never thought that it was considered prideful for me to not ask for help.. thanks for sharing..this was a great read.